We talked, we laughed...we joked around. It feels nice to be carefree and easy..even the day passes by beautifully. After a row, we talked it out. You would want me to be pro-active...think ahead...looking back for clues, investigating as would a detective.. looking to the source of it and coming up with a solution. I shall not stay down n defeated. I want to improve and continue to improve.
Though I'm weak and weary, I know Your rod and staff, they comfort me. Give me the strength and the courage...

For whatever you say...
It doesn't matter if its at me...
Even if it hurts.. even if it stings...
Even if it makes the heavens break open in downpour...
Just don't compare me to another.

Its the season of giving...
It's the season of love...
It's the time to be merry...
Full of joy and love...

All I want for this season is to spend if with you..to have the joys multiplied and the sorrows divided.

Merry Christmas darling.....
and a Happy New Year up ahead...
Hurgzzz.
=)

Christmas event just came and left. =)
Thanks for being there..
It was more than I could ever ask for.
For an evening of uninhibited restrictions..
For all the effort put in...
Thanks darling...
I love you lots.....
As for the promise you asked....
I promise.
<3

I drove up and parked right up front. Whatever doubt of whether I could or not was thrown right out. I decide that myself. Not based on someone else. Walked in and saw you sitting there. I greeted you. Even though I got that cold front, its okay. I will not be affected by it. Walked on in and greeted the rest. I don't want to just wait for you to support me all the time in building on friendship. It is an effort I need to make on my own.
I braved it and showed myself that I can... and I know I have your silent support, even if you don't show it up front. We moved locations. You sat by me. Internally I was glad. Conversations went on and then the guy randomly joined out table. Somehow, my first instinct was to want to show that I am yours. I didn't feel comfortable with him sitting there... and I saw that you didn't like it either. I heard him asking for a stick... and I know you heard it too. I knew he wasn't going to get one. Even though I did feel pity that we responded in that manner, I was glad he left. I want to be around as I progress in making myself a better person. I know you will not hold back in sharing your mind. I am learning to share mine too. I know you say if we can work on it on our own then why do we need to be together. Yes we work on our individual spheres, but there are areas which we do overlap each other... and as we improve ourselves, we too improve our relationship. Together and individually, I know we can. I will not leave things to God just like that and expect everything to fall into place without doing something. Not that I am not let God take control, but I know that He will give me the wisdom and the strength to carry out His will through me. Thanks for pointing that out to me. And I constantly thank God for you in my life.
~ Thank you Hansen ~
*hurgzzz*

Pondering back on my past life…
How ignorant was I… sheltered and covered and protected.
Never have I felt the pains of life, the hardship and the risk-takings…
That I took the things closest and dearest to me some-what for-granted…
I thought that Life would just roll along, smooth-sailing and risk-free…
Thought I had made the most of what I could be, that I didn’t take anything for-granted.
Oh how naïve and immature was my mind then!!!
Then Life shook me by the neck…
Waking me up from the blanket of ignorance and naivity…
He showed how much more to life there is to live…
That where I am is only but a fraction of what I am…
He taught me what it meant to love…
What it meant to live life…
What it is like to have risks and options laid out before your eyes…
He showed me how to stand by principles, not letting it go even in the face of adversity…
To stand tall and proud…
He also showed me what it is like to be disappointed…
What it is like to be hurt beyond despair…
How it feels to get desperate for something you’re passionate about…
He showed me the importance of trusting…
The value in actions, not only words…
But at that moment, I failed to see it clearly…
Failed to take note of the valuable lessons…
Failed to appreciate to the fullest extent what he has done…
I took for-granted time and seasons…
Even though I thought I had not.
It seemed like nothing got through.
Words repeated over and over again seemed like falling on deaf ears…
Lost beyond cause was this person, oblivious and delirious.
Hope gradually turned to Despair…
Despair closed the doors…
Walls were built, layer upon layer…
Higher and higher they grew…
But in the midst of all that,
A seed was planted… watered with time and deep-thinking…
Lots of patience and shakings…
Through the many tears and restless thoughts…
I started to see the bigger scene…
Oh, how disappointed was I in myself…
To see that I have not done anything at all…
That the past year, despite all that was given to me,
I have a lot more effort to pump in.

What have I done in the past years?
What have I achieved in myself?
Would I be able to go the distance in the continuity of the journey of life?
Have I prepared myself for the coming phases of that journey?
Can I actually stand up for what I believe in and live by it?

The past, dark and bleak…
Mistakes countless and unnumbered…
Each and everyone laid out and the consequences it brought…
Ashamed by how I have wasted my years away…
I sunk into the quicksand of hopelessness and sadness.
But to stay down from the despair would just allow defeat to take victory.
Now that I have known better, seen better, thought better,
I stand back on my feet with renewed vigour.
I will not repeat the same mistakes again.
Life is too short to not learn something from it.

Would I trust you still?
I have never lost trust in you, even when it seems like all hope is gone.
You gave me many occasions that would make another start to doubt…
But still, in all that, I have never let go of that trust.
Maybe it did start to falter a little.
But I got a hold of it and made a choice to still continue trusting.
I will weather the storm for it…
Withstand the gales…
Because you are worth every moment of it.

Came by to pass some things...
Silence is still the same greeting call,
Yet i brave it all.
The purpose done, the aim achieved...
It still didnt feel like time to leave.
So I did what I needed to do...
Picked up my book and studied...
And fell asleep in the process. =S
Had a fleeting dream of you that woke me up in palpitations...
When you turned around and rolled over...
Reached out to share a brief kiss...
Then you had to leave for work...
And I drove back.
I realized that I didn't see something common today.
So I want to tell you...
That I'm SO proud of you.
Thank you for making the effort...
and that I love you too. =)

Had the privilege to sit in on a conversation...
No pressure to participate in it...
Just being a third eye, watching in...
Or in this case, listening on...
While I was sitting there, I thought:
- What am I worth out there?
- Who do I want to be?
- Who do I see myself as right now?
- What am I doing with my life?
- Where am I going?
- Am I indispensable?
- Can I be better than where I am right now?
- What else have I missed out or do I need to do?
- Am I happy about all the above?

And suddenly, I felt agitated... that I was sitting there just listening in as the second-hand ticked away. I'm wasting precious moments in my life...there are things that still need to be done...so much more to life that what it is right now. With renewed vigor and a changed mentality, i bid farewell to the company. As streaks of tears flowed, I told myself to switch autopilot to manual. I need to do something!

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the essence or conviction of things not seen. It is the tangible thing that makes what we still do not visibly see/touch/hear/sense with our human perceptions. It is what motivates and drives a person to keep going.
I have faith that out of our lives, great things will come to past. I believe it though I cant see it yet, but I know it will come to past. Do not let others look down on you because you are young; but be an example in life to all those who surround you, that they may see the difference in you, not because of what you have been through... but because of the One who lives within you. In Him all things are made perfect. Through Him, all things come together, the Big masterplan.
Will you submit every aspect of your life to Him... let Him take over and take control cos He knows the future? Or will you still hold on tightly to the reins and charge blindly ahead, not even knowing where the next bend would come?

Many times you've mentioned to me about what it is that you're displeased with...
I know it is already too late to change the past...
But the future is still pliable.
Change isn't going to be instantaneous...
I want to be the perfect other half...
The one that can be relied on when the going gets tough...
The one you can pass the drivers seat to when things seems a little overwhelming...
The one that stands by you through thick and thin, sickness and health, joys and sorrows...
Right at this point in time, I see that there is a lot that I lack...
To better myself would require a lot of work and effort...
A strong and unbending stand...
That others can put their trust in me...
To grow up and be a true adult...
To rely fully on Him in every aspect of my life...
Knowing that He will bring to past that which He has planned for my life.
Life cannot just go on as it used to be.
For it to improve somethings have to change...
and that change starts with ME.

You have strong principles..and you stick by them..dats what I admire of you. To stand one's ground does take more than just courage. It takes every bit of one's being into adhering to what you uphold. What about giving up something greater for something upfront that didn't meet your satisfaction? Is the goal the acceptance of human or the pleasure of Him who made us for Himself? It is hard to endure rejection.. but standing it out is far more rewarding in the long run.. is it visible to you?

OUCH...Ouch...Ouch...
Maybe I deserved it.
Still, it hurts...I'm a human too.

Planned to take Kyle home today... was waiting for the moment when no one realizes it...that I could steal him away... saved lest for the moment it was mentioned. The words... hard and cold. It stings when its put that way... maybe I do need to hear it in such a manner. But to say that I don't feel dat way... it hurts. Dats all that there is to it... it does hurt. But because it hurts I know that it's there... and so it drives me to persevere... to hold on in there... and each day I pray for strength to withstand another day.
Was in the Yellow zone on my first morning shift... and I saw a housing brochure of a near-by developing area lying on the cart. It had the layout of the different housing styles... the compounds... the side-dishes that came with it... and amongst them, the prices for each one of them. In that split second, my mind went into imagination of what it would be like... our own house... a little cosy one we would call home. Raise kids...make meals...have friends over...lil get-aways... Ever since it was mentioned from that few weeks past, it has been on the back benches of the spaces between my ears. Right then, gears started clicking how we would work it out... starting for right now... we can always aim high and set achievable goals, right? We could slowly make it work. I'm sure we can, right?
Are you in?

There you go making my heart beat again...
There you go making me feel like a kid again...
There you go pulling me right back in...
You and me, baby, we're stuck like glue.

Running through the sea of faces, i looked high and low. Scared. Nothing seemed familiar. Despair. I searched all the usual places, only failing to see the familiar outline i always knew. Trepidation. Not wanting to be seen, in stealth I disguised my path. Yet it felt like i stood out like a thorn... an eyesore. Safety was the last thing on my mind. Then I thought again. Sigh. Not wanting to cause more hurt than I already had, especially if I was seen, I retreated my steps to the little vehicle that I came in. Regret. With deep sorrow, I drove off. I was sure I wasn't spotted. But I was disappointed I didnt have enough guts to finish my mission. What would befall me if I got caught? But I didnt want to generate more pain...I have caused enough of it to last a lifetime. Would I ever get to redeem myself?
Tiredness has caught up with me. I am not myself anymore. Dozing off on conversations that mean more than the world to me?? How did it come to that? To have a heart for others and in the process loose my own heart? How can that be? Slaving away day and night, to gain an art but in that process, loose all that I care about...? I detest myself... I detest what I have become... Would I change it given the power to turn back time?
You wish you hadnt met me, known me...? Words are powerful...a double edged sword. They contain authority. Once sent forth, doesnt return void. I wouldnt hurt you with my words...no matter how much edge it has...cos you mean much more to me than that. But do you see yourself that way?
Thunderstorms are overhead...pouring like the days of Noah. *sigh* Maybe I'll just let it rain first...Nothing I do seems to be going right...What is it that you see in me that I cant seem to see in myself?=S

Sitting here in silence..
With only d still air encompassing..
I sit in wait for the one that holds my heart..
Oh the pain that patience brings..
I feel my heart skip a beat..
As my mind wonders how his face radiates..
It's been a little too long since I last saw it..
I trace the air as I mark out the curve dat makes up his smile..
And imagine breathing in a waft of his scent..
How intoxicating, I can barely breathe..
As I lift my hands to touch the skin so filled with warmth..
Stretch the palms apart and note the empty spaces between..
How beautiful it would be...having those long slender fingers between them...
As I clasp it close into a fist and hold it close to my heart.
Owh you that brings joy to my soul..
The very thought of you sends a tingle up my back...
Imagining how you hug me tight..
The promise of never letting go..
I miss you so much..so so much..
You cloud my mind..
fill my heart..
saturate my soul..
How do I tell you how much I feel for you?
how do I show how much you mean to me?
Close my eyes and observe my world in the dark..
Hey thre,lil ray of light..shining bright..
Can I have a moment with you tonight?
*7th October 2010
9:37pm, QCB 3714*

Sitting in silence as the world passes me by...

Hear the winds rustle among the trees...

An old man clings to his papers, snug under his arm, a little tighter...

Clouds of grey start to hover over the horizon...

Little wisps of cool breeze dissipates the heat of the roaring sun...

Soon, little teardrops from heaven start to fall...

Slowly building up its intensity...

Across the street, children playing in care-free wonder start dismissing themselves home...

A teenage boy utters a swear-word, cursing the on-coming weather...

A mother clutches her child closer, opening an umbrella in anticipation...

A father hurriedly gets into his car, speeding off into the traffic of the evening...

A grandfather picks up his speed on the bicycle, trying to make it home before its too late...

Out on the balcony, drying clothes are quickly gathered into the house...

A young lady's face lights up in delight...

As her lover frowns in the prospect of getting wet...

Some of the village children start their rally...

Gathering more company for a swim in the big drains...

In the fields, the football match fights on...

Rain or shine, determination for victory untainted.

Gradually, the gentle drizzle turns into a heavy downpour...

Pedestrians scuttle into the shades taking cover...

Owh, the magnificiency of the human character...

One action. many reactions.

What would your choice be?

There are days when you make me few like there is nothing separating heaven and earth... that everything is possible.. that the world is on the end of a string, tied around my finger. There was so much that I could do with life itself and living was in life itself.

Then there are also days when it feels like I got hit by a bus, rolled under a bulldozer, drowned in the big blue ocean...spiraled down under to emerge on the other side of the globe. There would be no where else that I would rather be... than curled up in bed nursing my shattered soul.

Two extremes of the same spectrum... both in your control.

there are days when you make me few like there is nothing separating heaven and earth... that everything is possible.. that the world is on the end of a string, tied around my finger. There was so much that I could do with

"I'd Rather Be With You"

Sittin' here, on this lonely dock

Watch the rain play on the ocean top

All the things I feel I need to say

I can't explain in any other way

I need to bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow older with a girl like you

Finally see you were naturally

The one to make it so easy when you show me the truth

Yeah, yeah I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain

Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain

You're the one thing that I'm missing here

With you beside me I no longer fear

I need to bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow older with a girl like you

Finally see you were naturally the one to make it so easy when you show me the truth

Yeah, yeah I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

I could have saved so much time for us

Had I seen the way to get to where I am today

You waited on me for so long

So now, listen to me say

I need to bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow older with a girl like you

Finally see you were naturally the one to make it so easy when you show me the truth

Yeah, yeah I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

Say you feel the way I do.

*5!y7 p_|v3y ! u3ym noh =|0 7o7*

thanks for today...

for the spontaneity...

for the unexpected fun...

for doing what you do best...

bringing out the best in me...

showing me a lil bit more of life in life itself....

making days count...

seem better and brighter....

=)

Interlinks...

one atop another...

the never ending sign on sides...

So far yet on wisps of clouds...

Who knew what something once upon a time could do...

What goes around comes around people said...

so what went around then?

To have it grilled out on flames...

scrutinized without seasoning...

yet to array the salt and pepper would mean disregard to the chef...

ending in tastelessness...

Would it be better to just leave it?

Bite the bullet or stand in the firing range?

Bilosucroseness...

can it be digested away?

i guess its part and parcel of the unbeaten track...

Sunshine through the rain...

Glimmery shining rays...

warm and comforting...

Hope of a new dawn...

alightin lighter spirits...

To soar again on wings of eagles...

Taking flight in majesty...

When that moment arives...

There comes a day when one feels extremely thankful...

The day that makes one ponder in wonder...

The very day that the world seems to swirl in crayon color...

That one day that makes every other day worth the while...

That day....

When it comes...

Don't ever let it go.

There are many days when one is bought down to the very core of pondering....

Thinking about a million and one things...

High and low, Vast and wide...

Yet what can transcend the beauty of being brought back to the reminder of how great Thou art...

Time and time again, we take matters into our own hands...

Expecting things with a targetable achievement...

But how far can one really see with one's eyes?

Relying on Him to make things happen...

Looking to Him for strength...

Those were once my virtues...

Now I look them scarce in the eye...

Where have I detoured?

How did I leave that untrodden track?

More than anything else, I want what You want...

To do what You want me to do...

Deep down inside, I know its welling within...

Yet, human nature seems to be taking over that which was supposed to be surrendered to You...

Show me how...

Teach me, guide me...

For I know not which path is best...

Search me... Try me...

Know my thoughts...

Let me be of use to You...

Your Instrument.

To be able to hold u close...

To close my eyes and feel u near...

To be near you and just get lost in your arms....

*exhales...*

TOTALLY

ADDICTED

TO

YOU.....

Curiosity.

Curiosity killed the cat...

Curiosity burned the hand...

Curiosity scalded the finger...

Thus, making a rational deduction, Curiosity was never meant to end up with smth good. Curiosity was to end with a grave reminder that whatever it was that aroused that particular feeling was not smth that one wud wanna have. Well, out of THIS particular Curiosity came smth dat was fairly borderline.

Addiction.

Addiction to alcohol...

Addiction to smoking...

Addiction to drugs...

Addiction seems to not be in the list of smth good. Maybe it was never meant to be good… one cant have TOO MUCH of smth… nor TOO LITTLE… but an addiction is to be dependent on smth… to be controlled by it… not able to live without it…

But then, how come from the midst of smth that was meant to be bad… come smth so beautiful… irreplaceable… something worth more than the value of the whole world put together… how did THAT come about?

Never have I understood how things happened the way it did. Never in a zillion years would I have ever imagined ANYTHING close to this very moment in time… yet NEVER would I want to trade it for ANYTHING in this world.

Ubiquisity… that’s what you have been to me…

In everything I do…

In everything I see…

In everything I touch and smell…

Whatever it started off as…

Whatever it was meant to be…

Whatever it was supposed to turn out…

Whatever it is…

I’m thankful for it…

For every moment to see that smile…

For every second to hear that voice…

For every occasion to discern that tender loving care…

For every chance to find something to improve on…

Something to work on…

Something to laugh about…

Something to remember down the road…

Something that makes that silver lining behind the dark grey clouds of fear and doubt…

Something that makes things never the same as they were before…

Something that emulates forth a better me…

A better you…

A better us.

Curiosity.

Curiosity killed the cat...

Curiosity burned the hand...

Curiosity scalded the finger...

Thus, making a rational deduction, Curiosity was never meant to end up with smth good. Curiosity was to end with a grave reminder that whatever it was that aroused that particular feeling was not smth that one wud wanna have. Well, out of THIS particular Curiosity came smth dat was fairly borderline.

Addiction.

Addiction to alcohol...

Addiction to smoking...

Addiction to drugs...

Addiction

What are you thinking about?

Of all days to pull a surprise, as if rushing against the falling sands of time... yet, all in perfect harmonic timing... what else can I say about it? =)

A big plastic wrapped flora and a rectangular contraption filled with 'HUGS' and 'KISSES'... enclosing within its cavity, a smaller contraption filled with more sentiments than anything else I can ever think of... *thank you*

Didn't ask for anything... didn't want anything more than the mere presence... nothing more than a nice warm hug and a long cuddle with a midnight stroll along the beach... never imagined that the products of the braincells in my head would be surpassed by another... one that goes to far greater and higher heights that mine would... its great, cos that will push me to go even further... even higher... even greater than ever before... treading on areas never ventured before. =)

A thousand words cannot express...

Cannot comprehend...

Fail beyond all measures to quantify...

Every single little detailed bit of what I would like to say...

Of what dwells within...

The very silent whisper of every single fibre...

Collectively bringing together all efforts to articulate in a hundred and one ways...

All in all, just to try and express the gratitude..

the appreciation..

the feelings that well up inside...

*h8v8 'noh 3^07 1*

Tell me again the story...

Right from the very beginning...

Of how it all began...

What made you decide so...

What caught your attention...

How did it make you feel...

How did you react...

I love to hear it over and over again...

Can't seem to get bored of it...

Makes me think...

Makes me wonder...

Makes me ponder in deep thought...

Every second seems like an eternity when you're not around...

Yet eternity seems to flash by in a split second when you are...

You make the snow fall in summer...

and flowers bloom in winter...

When I'm with you everything else fades into the shadows...

When you're not around nothing seems to fit...

Have you ever felt this way before?

The way the thought plays through your head...That when you lie down at night to sleep flashbacks from the very first day start to replay like a movie... and you drift off into a dream so surreal you wish you didn't have to wake up... but when you do, you find that it could come true... that nothing is impossible... that someday, just maybe it might come to pass.

Thanks for everything you've ever done...

From the very least to the greatest of them all...

How can I ever phantom the depth of it all...

To call myself blessed is an understatement...

It feels SO MUCH more than that...

And so...

All I can do for now...

Is to be just me...

and thank God every single day for this wonderful blessing...

For this opportunity to sow into another's life the same way that was sown into mine...

For now, these words would have to suffice....

Thank You.

Its been 2 mths.... 61 days... hasn't been all smooth-sailing and easy.. but we've made it so far... bit by bit... every moment a gift in itself.. every second invaluable... everyday a new beginning for opportunities to create something more beautiful than the day before... another day to appreciate the very essence of living... the very gift of life... one baby step at a time... cos it's not the final destination that matters... but the journey of which it was reached.

For every little step,

I thank God for you.

What happened today was something so out of the blue. No one saw it coming, no one thought it through. But then its one of those things that ones have to go through... and to come out the other end stronger, more victorious than before. Its those things that you kinda blame technology for destroying.

for everything...

baby, I'm sorry.

For everything else...

I'm sure we can find some time to talk it through

Hurgzzz...

A new year has dawned...

A whole new beginning...

One to share...

One to learn...

One to create...

Together we venture into the unknown...

Who knows where we'll end up...

But that's just a small matter...

What's more important is the journey...

So...

All I want for 2010 is...

To strive for the very best from us...

To make more memories...

To live for the moment as it comes...

To cherish every second we have...

To be self-less and more thoughtful...

To love and let love...

to infinity and beyond!!!