Thursday, August 11, 2016

Jekylishly JeLLy

I know I have nothing to worry
I know I can totally trust you
I know there is nothing more to it

I can't shake of that feeling
That foreboding thought of what could
That nagging feeling that I shouldn't

I can't stop thinking about it
Can't focus on anything else but that
Can't help but wonder...

I know it means a lot to you
I know its probably the closure you need
In the midst of a turmoltous history
An ending to that chapter of life.

Yet i can help it.

Everything is under scrutiny
Every small detail
Everything seems to have a meaning
At least part of a bigger picture.

So many thoughts run through my head like a bullet train
Rushing through and through
Over and over again like waves at the seashore
Lapsing in and out repeatedly.

As nonchalant as you are
Sounds like just another casual event to you
I hate myself for what goes on in my head
I probably grounded my thoughts into sand

I can't bear to stand it anymore
All I want is the day to be over
And the night too
And that it passes fast
Like lightning.

So allay my fears with reassuring words
Remove all clouds of doubt with a hug
Seal that thought with a kiss
Tell me it will all be alright
Hold me tightly into the night.

Saturday, January 09, 2016

It's in the everyday things

I try... I do...honest!!
But I still find myself thinking about you

It's in the little little things
It's in the everyday stuff
Nothing fancy
Nothing extraordinary.
That's the problem.

But when you're around, I'm dumbfounded.
I can't speak...
I choke up.
I rehearse my words and they sound utterly ridiculous.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Start out on 3

its finally the BIG 3-0
Am I where I wanna be?
Not really.
Long way to go.
But it's a new start.
A new year.
It's a new day.
A new decade.
Life is what you make it to be.
Write your own story.


I L.O.V.E you.
Who crowd my every thought every moment of every waking day
Whose every movement affects every strand of my very being
Who still makes my heart race whenever i deal with anything in regards to you
Who used to be mine and now belong to another
Who, despite knowing that, still I can't shake it off
Whose every moment I still wish I can be a part of
Who I still want to do everything with
Whom I wish i still can hold dear
Who I will continue to care for no matter what...

If only you knew how much this one person still cares for you.


Its the last day before i turn 3
Yet all can think of is THEE
Hello...Are you there?
Would i dare tell you "I love you"
Even though we're through?

How do I do this...
Where do I start?
All I want is still you...
I don't know why I still do

Fukkit mann....
Why it gotta be so cruel?
Why life gotta treat us this way..
Deal us our cards and then fold em
Leave me here to slowly bleed

Nothing seem to heal it
Nothing seems to fill it
Nothing seems to fit right where you use to be

I fear what I'll meet tomorrow
It scares me to venture out without you
Together we could conquer everything that came our way

Oh God, why is he so important to me that I can't let him go?
I question if he would be happy with me but without him I'm not
I wish I could read his mind right now
See through what he is actually thinking
Read right down to the very core
And know what is lurking

Why am I so afraid of getting you something for Christmas?
No one said it was wrong
I wish I knew what to get you for Christmas
I wish I thought of it sooner
But instead of thinking of what to get you,
All I can think of is that I'd rather be where you are

And right this moment...
Why must it be so momental.........
Te deng te deng te deng.... Te deng te deng te deng....
Te deng deng deng te de de de de de de
First birthday wish had to come from you.

Sometimes I wonder...Is it a sign?
Could it be that the stars align still, some day somewhere?
Was it hard for you to send that message?
Did you have to think for long?
Or did it come naturally as tho it was nothing?

You know you made me the happiest person right that very moment?
I couldn't think of wishing to have it any other way.
"Happy birthday
Wishing you a year filled with joy ahead
Take care"
21/12/15 10:35-10:36pm

Sunday, December 06, 2015

Prayer in P

 I feel it.. I really do.
All I want for Christmas IS you.
It's hard to go through each day
When all that is on my mind is you...
No matter what it is I'm going thru.

I can't tell no one would understand.
No one would get how deep it runs
No one feels the way I feel it
No one listens to me that intently without judging
No one.

I do hope she does make you happy
I wish I could see it in your eyes.
But it seems the toil of the world's worries
Has taken its toll harder that it shud.

I don't know why you matter so much to me
I don't know why I love you so much
I don't know why I f*^#ing care

But every little thing about you is important
Everything is precious
Everything is as it should be
Imperfectly perfect to me.

I don't know what I should do.
One hand, I should let you go
Another hand, I can't see my life without you in it.

What should I do?
What is it that You have in store for me from this?
How is he coping?
I hope he isn't hurting too.
Watch over him...keep him safe.
Let him know how much we both love him...
Even more so day by day.

Thursday, December 03, 2015

Thankful for the little things

it amazes me..
How I still feel palpitations just thinking that I will see you again
It races like a sprinter making a dash of the finishing line

Thankfulness was something new...
Appreciated much and Hartford for it
Just watching you, even if it's from a distance...
Still feel the instinct to protect you

Happy to see you, always
Wish time would just stand still
But i do feel that I still don't know what to say to you
Words just get in the way.

For you to return again despite having to leave
I'm glad for that
That you didn't shy away...
But seemed like it was intentional to be determined to return again

I can't stop looking at your face...
See that smile on your face
Wipe the frown from your head...
How do I tell you that I still do love you?

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Truly madly deeply...
Those words once belonged to me.
Now... It's just me replaying it in my head
Wishing it was still mine.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Do You Know...

Do you know...
You're the first person I think of whenever I'm in trouble
The go-to person when I am in doubt
The one that I want to ask for opinion...
just cos it matters.

Do you know...
I pretend not to care...
Pretend to be nonchalant
Have an air of aloofness around me...
So you don't know that I am secretly dying inside without you.

Do you know...
I watch you from the shadows
Looking in while you are unaware
Feel the comfort of knowing you're ok
Don't matter that you don't see me.

Do you know...
How badly I want to be near you
To tell you how much I still love you
To look in your eyes and not have to hide
All that I feel inside.
The hardest thing is watching someone you love, 
love someone else.

At it's worst..

I feel it...
So strong...
So intense...

There isn't a switch to turn it off...
Or turn it low...or change the channel
All that goes on in my head is just you.

How is it that I cannot do anything else without you running through my head?
Everything is just mere recollection of the memories we had.
Is it just me or do you have such moment too?
Probably not, you got someone else to think of you.

Like today, was thinking of having lunch with you.
Didn't happen cos I didn't dare to ask.
Then thought of asking if you wanna hang out..either after lunch or after dinner...
Then I got plans that I didn't ask.
Then I thought of dinner or maybe after dinner...
And then I got an invitation to a home dinner.

I know I would throw it all away in a split second
Give it up if you wanted to have something
Wish you knew how much influence you have on me
Wish you could see how I feel about you.

The radio, it encourages me...
Plays songs that reminds me of you...
Tells me things in the words of the song
If only you could hear it too.

Argggghhhhh.....if I told you...
What is the worse that could happen?
Loosing your friendship and never seeing you again?
Could I live with that or without that?

Maybe the quotes I get on a daily basis is right:
The one that I want to be with the most...
Is the one I am best without.

*u!vd 7jv34*