Sunday, August 16, 2015

#bareitall

Why do I bother thinking about what other people think? I should just let it be.. Do what I want to do.. Say what I want to say... N let other people get round it in their own way. 
Putting on a smile when all you want to do is cry... Looking like you have it all together when you actually are a cross of train wreck and poo. But no one knows what's going on inside cos you hide it so well. 
How do you let it all out? How do you purge it til there is nothing left? How do I show the world I'm not OK...? How do I tell you that you are constantly on my mind no matter what I do or how much I try to push it away? How do I turn back time and change the way I thought that I thought was right but turned out to be detrimental? Looking back,  I realise... I found that spot.. But never dug deep. That treasure was so close yet I let it slip through my fingers just like that.. Without even knowing. 
There is always a lesson to learn for every situation... And I believe I have found my answer to that. Without hardship we wud be too comfortable to learn anything new. But this lesson is a very tough one. 
***God,  I need strength. ='S***

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?

Harsh tones despite a calm message
Full of anger and rage
Seems to be an effort of pushing away
Lest anything gets a better hold.

Just making an effort to be what we claim to want to be
Doesnt seem to be a mutual effort
Dont know if it is widely acceptable
But this life is mine to live and my own story to write.

Just needed some human interaction
Some sort of assurance of social ability
Glad there were others there to diffuse the tension
Didnt want to strain what was on the verge of breaking.

The night drew nigh, more were around
In between work the presence is made
Listening in? Watching? Analyzing?
Still does cause palpitations...Both good and bad.

The clock struck midnight and everyone started packing
Storms gales and torrents fell
Just about to brave the storms of nature
When somehow a misstep occurred.

Landed on the steps, ego totally bruised
Got up and there were some concerns
Did i hear myself right?
Should it be embraced?

Muttered that I was alright, yet another cover-up
Mobile shelter was used and instead of letting another
Stepped in and did what was totally not expected
Just a split moment and it was over.

Yet still a small tinker sounded
More concerns, am I hearing right?
But that was as far as it went
Savour the moment, while it lasted.

Sunday, August 09, 2015

FIGHT SONG - Rachel Platten

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song (Hey!)
Take back my life song (Hey!)
Prove I'm alright song (Hey!)
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong (I'll be strong)
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

No I've still got a lot of fight left in me

***current favourite tune***

Saturday, August 08, 2015

Sigh

Did i push u that far that we lost all empathy?
Just a little too late for any return?
What angers me most is that the blame is on me...
That I did it wrong...
That I should have done something else.
How was i to know i was wrong...
When all that i thought i did was the way to go?
It just didn't add up in my mind.
Why do i keep doing this to myself?
Loosing that one person i love the most...
Leaving behind a big empty space.
How did i screw up so badly?
Where did i go wrong to deserve this?
At least i drove home my point.
I tried.
At least that, i cant say i regret i didnt do.


Wednesday, August 05, 2015

ALL I EVER WANTED

to live...
to love...
to have you by my side.

to watch you grow...
to guide you through...
to be there beside you...
Never to let go.

Imagined travels to foreign land together...
Walking through life together...
Exploring the unknown together...
Nothing shall I fear.

Will you give me just that one last chance?