We talked, we laughed...we joked around. It feels nice to be carefree and easy..even the day passes by beautifully. After a row, we talked it out. You would want me to be pro-active...think ahead...looking back for clues, investigating as would a detective.. looking to the source of it and coming up with a solution. I shall not stay down n defeated. I want to improve and continue to improve.
Though I'm weak and weary, I know Your rod and staff, they comfort me. Give me the strength and the courage...

For whatever you say...
It doesn't matter if its at me...
Even if it hurts.. even if it stings...
Even if it makes the heavens break open in downpour...
Just don't compare me to another.

Its the season of giving...
It's the season of love...
It's the time to be merry...
Full of joy and love...

All I want for this season is to spend if with you..to have the joys multiplied and the sorrows divided.

Merry Christmas darling.....
and a Happy New Year up ahead...
Hurgzzz.
=)

Christmas event just came and left. =)
Thanks for being there..
It was more than I could ever ask for.
For an evening of uninhibited restrictions..
For all the effort put in...
Thanks darling...
I love you lots.....
As for the promise you asked....
I promise.
<3

I drove up and parked right up front. Whatever doubt of whether I could or not was thrown right out. I decide that myself. Not based on someone else. Walked in and saw you sitting there. I greeted you. Even though I got that cold front, its okay. I will not be affected by it. Walked on in and greeted the rest. I don't want to just wait for you to support me all the time in building on friendship. It is an effort I need to make on my own.
I braved it and showed myself that I can... and I know I have your silent support, even if you don't show it up front. We moved locations. You sat by me. Internally I was glad. Conversations went on and then the guy randomly joined out table. Somehow, my first instinct was to want to show that I am yours. I didn't feel comfortable with him sitting there... and I saw that you didn't like it either. I heard him asking for a stick... and I know you heard it too. I knew he wasn't going to get one. Even though I did feel pity that we responded in that manner, I was glad he left. I want to be around as I progress in making myself a better person. I know you will not hold back in sharing your mind. I am learning to share mine too. I know you say if we can work on it on our own then why do we need to be together. Yes we work on our individual spheres, but there are areas which we do overlap each other... and as we improve ourselves, we too improve our relationship. Together and individually, I know we can. I will not leave things to God just like that and expect everything to fall into place without doing something. Not that I am not let God take control, but I know that He will give me the wisdom and the strength to carry out His will through me. Thanks for pointing that out to me. And I constantly thank God for you in my life.
~ Thank you Hansen ~
*hurgzzz*

Pondering back on my past life…
How ignorant was I… sheltered and covered and protected.
Never have I felt the pains of life, the hardship and the risk-takings…
That I took the things closest and dearest to me some-what for-granted…
I thought that Life would just roll along, smooth-sailing and risk-free…
Thought I had made the most of what I could be, that I didn’t take anything for-granted.
Oh how naïve and immature was my mind then!!!
Then Life shook me by the neck…
Waking me up from the blanket of ignorance and naivity…
He showed how much more to life there is to live…
That where I am is only but a fraction of what I am…
He taught me what it meant to love…
What it meant to live life…
What it is like to have risks and options laid out before your eyes…
He showed me how to stand by principles, not letting it go even in the face of adversity…
To stand tall and proud…
He also showed me what it is like to be disappointed…
What it is like to be hurt beyond despair…
How it feels to get desperate for something you’re passionate about…
He showed me the importance of trusting…
The value in actions, not only words…
But at that moment, I failed to see it clearly…
Failed to take note of the valuable lessons…
Failed to appreciate to the fullest extent what he has done…
I took for-granted time and seasons…
Even though I thought I had not.
It seemed like nothing got through.
Words repeated over and over again seemed like falling on deaf ears…
Lost beyond cause was this person, oblivious and delirious.
Hope gradually turned to Despair…
Despair closed the doors…
Walls were built, layer upon layer…
Higher and higher they grew…
But in the midst of all that,
A seed was planted… watered with time and deep-thinking…
Lots of patience and shakings…
Through the many tears and restless thoughts…
I started to see the bigger scene…
Oh, how disappointed was I in myself…
To see that I have not done anything at all…
That the past year, despite all that was given to me,
I have a lot more effort to pump in.

What have I done in the past years?
What have I achieved in myself?
Would I be able to go the distance in the continuity of the journey of life?
Have I prepared myself for the coming phases of that journey?
Can I actually stand up for what I believe in and live by it?

The past, dark and bleak…
Mistakes countless and unnumbered…
Each and everyone laid out and the consequences it brought…
Ashamed by how I have wasted my years away…
I sunk into the quicksand of hopelessness and sadness.
But to stay down from the despair would just allow defeat to take victory.
Now that I have known better, seen better, thought better,
I stand back on my feet with renewed vigour.
I will not repeat the same mistakes again.
Life is too short to not learn something from it.

Would I trust you still?
I have never lost trust in you, even when it seems like all hope is gone.
You gave me many occasions that would make another start to doubt…
But still, in all that, I have never let go of that trust.
Maybe it did start to falter a little.
But I got a hold of it and made a choice to still continue trusting.
I will weather the storm for it…
Withstand the gales…
Because you are worth every moment of it.

Came by to pass some things...
Silence is still the same greeting call,
Yet i brave it all.
The purpose done, the aim achieved...
It still didnt feel like time to leave.
So I did what I needed to do...
Picked up my book and studied...
And fell asleep in the process. =S
Had a fleeting dream of you that woke me up in palpitations...
When you turned around and rolled over...
Reached out to share a brief kiss...
Then you had to leave for work...
And I drove back.
I realized that I didn't see something common today.
So I want to tell you...
That I'm SO proud of you.
Thank you for making the effort...
and that I love you too. =)

Had the privilege to sit in on a conversation...
No pressure to participate in it...
Just being a third eye, watching in...
Or in this case, listening on...
While I was sitting there, I thought:
- What am I worth out there?
- Who do I want to be?
- Who do I see myself as right now?
- What am I doing with my life?
- Where am I going?
- Am I indispensable?
- Can I be better than where I am right now?
- What else have I missed out or do I need to do?
- Am I happy about all the above?

And suddenly, I felt agitated... that I was sitting there just listening in as the second-hand ticked away. I'm wasting precious moments in my life...there are things that still need to be done...so much more to life that what it is right now. With renewed vigor and a changed mentality, i bid farewell to the company. As streaks of tears flowed, I told myself to switch autopilot to manual. I need to do something!

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the essence or conviction of things not seen. It is the tangible thing that makes what we still do not visibly see/touch/hear/sense with our human perceptions. It is what motivates and drives a person to keep going.
I have faith that out of our lives, great things will come to past. I believe it though I cant see it yet, but I know it will come to past. Do not let others look down on you because you are young; but be an example in life to all those who surround you, that they may see the difference in you, not because of what you have been through... but because of the One who lives within you. In Him all things are made perfect. Through Him, all things come together, the Big masterplan.
Will you submit every aspect of your life to Him... let Him take over and take control cos He knows the future? Or will you still hold on tightly to the reins and charge blindly ahead, not even knowing where the next bend would come?

Many times you've mentioned to me about what it is that you're displeased with...
I know it is already too late to change the past...
But the future is still pliable.
Change isn't going to be instantaneous...
I want to be the perfect other half...
The one that can be relied on when the going gets tough...
The one you can pass the drivers seat to when things seems a little overwhelming...
The one that stands by you through thick and thin, sickness and health, joys and sorrows...
Right at this point in time, I see that there is a lot that I lack...
To better myself would require a lot of work and effort...
A strong and unbending stand...
That others can put their trust in me...
To grow up and be a true adult...
To rely fully on Him in every aspect of my life...
Knowing that He will bring to past that which He has planned for my life.
Life cannot just go on as it used to be.
For it to improve somethings have to change...
and that change starts with ME.

You have strong principles..and you stick by them..dats what I admire of you. To stand one's ground does take more than just courage. It takes every bit of one's being into adhering to what you uphold. What about giving up something greater for something upfront that didn't meet your satisfaction? Is the goal the acceptance of human or the pleasure of Him who made us for Himself? It is hard to endure rejection.. but standing it out is far more rewarding in the long run.. is it visible to you?

OUCH...Ouch...Ouch...
Maybe I deserved it.
Still, it hurts...I'm a human too.

Planned to take Kyle home today... was waiting for the moment when no one realizes it...that I could steal him away... saved lest for the moment it was mentioned. The words... hard and cold. It stings when its put that way... maybe I do need to hear it in such a manner. But to say that I don't feel dat way... it hurts. Dats all that there is to it... it does hurt. But because it hurts I know that it's there... and so it drives me to persevere... to hold on in there... and each day I pray for strength to withstand another day.
Was in the Yellow zone on my first morning shift... and I saw a housing brochure of a near-by developing area lying on the cart. It had the layout of the different housing styles... the compounds... the side-dishes that came with it... and amongst them, the prices for each one of them. In that split second, my mind went into imagination of what it would be like... our own house... a little cosy one we would call home. Raise kids...make meals...have friends over...lil get-aways... Ever since it was mentioned from that few weeks past, it has been on the back benches of the spaces between my ears. Right then, gears started clicking how we would work it out... starting for right now... we can always aim high and set achievable goals, right? We could slowly make it work. I'm sure we can, right?
Are you in?