I'm at a lost of words to say...

Its been such a great ride I so wanna stay...

You make me happy...

you drive me wild...

You make me feel like a child.

I am myself when I'm around you...

Forget the world when you look into my eyes...

You make me see the silver lining behind every dark cloud

Even before the rain starts to pour...

The courage to stand a lil taller...

Strength to fight a lil harder...

Love to conquer any boulder...

Hope to see through the rest of the future...

the grass isnt only greener...

it can change to ANY color you want it to be...

Endless possibilities...

Nothing is impossible unless untried.

For all the things done and words said...

You have changed my world 180...

turning it all around, not even leaving a stone untouched.

How did it ever get this far?

I haven't the slightest idea.

All I can say is that...

It is all part of the Master's plan.

*31, Stutong Avenue*

10:32 pm

When we were just acquaintances, without any cares in the world...

How do I tell you all these without using words?

I've always said that its the company that makes ALL the difference. And I'v proven it YET again.... =)

Its been a Month, yesterday, since that Saturday night car-ride half way across the world and back... with a lil heart to heart talk... lol...

The evening was spent having McD's for dinner... chill-out... and a movie to top it all up. Sounds too simple?? I couldn't ask for more. It was such an enjoyable evening. =) *thanks baby...*

As for the month that has passed.... well... all i can say is that I have been educated... with a broadened view on life... still learning new things everyday... and I guess I too, have taught a lil bit here and there. It never ceases to amaze me that all my pre-conceived ideas in the past is being changed bit by bit... all the things I thought were impossible... is being shown to me that it IS possible... that there ARE such exceptions... such situations.. such people.

The moments created are too priceless to tag a figure.... I won't want to trade it for anything. Still looking up to the One up above for the Master plan... wondering where this all fits in.

for now... I'll just be contented... and let Him take over. =)

One day, just one day.... that was all it took to change whatever pre-conceived ideas that I previously had. Maybe there is still hope after all. Maybe life isn't so bad after all. =)

It all seems too perfect to be true. But then again, I shall not look for something that I don't really want to find. I'm happy right where I am. Maybe, yea, sometime in the near future, there will be some hiccups and bumps that

CHASING CARS (IF I LAY HERE)

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

*yea... I would...*

I don’t know but I think I maybe

Fallin’ for you, dropping so quickly

Maybe I should keep this to myself

Waiting ’til I know you better

I am trying not to tell you

But I want to

I’m scared of what you’ll say

So I’m hiding what I’m feeling

But I’m tired of

Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time

Just thinking about ya

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’ve been waiting all my life

And now I found ya

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’m fallin’ for you

As I’m standing here and you hold my hand

Pull me towards you and we start to dance

All around us, I see nobody

Here in silence, it’s just you and me

I’m trying not to tell you

But I want to

I’m scared of what you’ll say

So I’m hiding what I’m feeling

But I’m tired of

Holding this inside my head

*could it be so?

maybe you already know...

maybe not...*

It came out as a question... and as usual.. it was something I though of for a long long time already. To say i was anticipating it isnt really true.. to assume it also is not the case. But the similarity of thinking patterns really caught me by surprise. How was it possible that there was another that had the same mental wavelength as I did?

Walking around the store-like

There's something in the air but she can't seem to put her finger on what. The pain on her foot still prevents her from taking up the speed she's used to...despite all the amount rubbing and grinding from her stubby digits. The night was taken up by a planned encounter with a friend of a friend.. who happens to be a really close friend. Now, how would you feel about calling it a day after a lazy day at work, an evening nap... dinner.. a cake bubbling in the oven... and a cup of hot mochaccino just before turning into bed? lol... I'd call it a day well spent in my dictionary.

Speaking about that lazy job of hers... who wouldn't want to trade places with me for where I am right now? Albeit the long delay at the end of the day in completion of the whole period, I SO wouldn't wanna give up the place I am in right now for ANYTHING!! Talk about being in my comfort zone... I am almost SO well protected I couldn't build a better hedge around myself if i wanted to!

Then there's the other side of the human population. How would one know if it is what it is meant to be or not? Is there a guideline or a manual that I can read to find out? I mean... its great he makes me laugh.. he makes me cringe in happy anger... So far its almost all I could ever ask for... as if my mind was an open book and ever part of it well read and memorized. But then, could it be too good to be true? He's the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning... and yet it has just been.. what... just over a week? How is it possible that one can do two totally different things to an almost similar situation? Would that make one a hypocrite? Or is it a choice of mother nature... written in the winds and the stars... and the sand and the seas?

Life is made up of little choice. What you decide for yourself today would take effect even many many years into the future. It is not something one can ever erase... for it then, is carved into stone as the ticking minute passes.

I want to live my life to its fullest. That much I know.

It feels like over the rainbow...

Under the ocean...

The same feeling of walking under the rain

What will it be??? will it end up that way too??? How do I convey the message... how do I let you know???

What I love about being back?
The feel of the wheel beneath my fingers..
The slide of the leather after a corner...
The thrill of speed at my fingertips...
Ohh... the feeling of driving again...
It is just so exciting!! So free...

The past few days has been really taking its toll on me. My heart feels so heavy... I know why... but I can't do anything about it. It's way out of my powers. Maybe others also know about it... but then refuse to do anything about it. I guess that's the way it's going to be from now on. But why does it have to be so? My sleep has been cut short ever since February rolled in... and no more am I enjoying the comforts of life. Now that graduation has come and gone, there is a whole new road ahead of me. But at the moment, I don't really want to take it yet, for one reason or another. Yet it is inevitable. Life must go on... I want to move on... to be better... to achieve higher... to grow stronger... Yet right at this point in time, I can't seem to get a hold of myself. The one lifejacket that was buoying me afloat is making me sink and drown. Other lifejackets are too far out or reach... but i guess it was my fault too. My own mindsets. Owh gosh... if only I could go back in time... isn't that the wish of a lot of people? God knew better than to let men have that ability. I guess its just that we have to move on with the changing tides... the shore is never the same twice.
But.. owh... if only anyone could see the hurt and pain in here... I guess it doesn't have to be many. But I can't be so selfish can I? Who am I to demand that of others? I gotta get out of this... Lord, help me get out of this selfish rut!! I need help and I'm not ashamed to say it. I need YOUR help cos I can't do it on my own. Everything seems to be bleak and grey... I am in a total mess... I feel like crap and seem to be depressing everything around me instead of shining for You. I know there is much better things that these to come. You always have a way of making the greatest things out of rejects and failures. So here's a reject and a failure... may she be something great in Your hands... cos she knows she can't do anything on her own.
Lift her spirits up and grant her the ability to smile from her heart... to shine for You!!! *AmeN*

Have you ever had that feeling of foreboding... or one of deja-vu... where-by someone describes smth and you can identify immediately with that person cos you've been there before? I had that again... and so memories of old came flooding back... and here i am... left with myself to brood it over... the songs that lullaby me to sleep... the thought of what it was like when everything was going my way... but it also brought back reminders of how dumb i was to throw it all away... indecisiveness... lack of character... and so... now i'm left with basically just me, myself and I. *sigh*
onto better thoughts... Finished 2 'papers' out of 9 from my Final State Attestation Exams... "Gos" they call it here... short of "Gosudarstvenie" which is Russian for State. MCQs over... Therapy practical skills over... tomorrow is O&G practical skills... then Surgery practical skills on Thursday... then Tasks on Saturday.... then its d written papers de!! then... its OVER!! YAY!!!
I am stoked... can't wait for the family to get over here... to see where i have lived for the past 6 years... and where i spend m y time... how i live the harshest of winters.. hahahaha....
Then, i cant wait to go back and go on shoppin spree after shoppin spree with my best friend... and also help her prepare for her wedding which is in June... I'm so honored to be appointed 'Maid of Honor' for her big day... and I wanna just take a moment to congratulate her... wish her all the best in life... and all.. *shall not say everything... save some for the speech on that night... hehehehe lol...*
Anyway, I'm happy for her... I'm excited too... and I can't wait for my turn to come... so many things that are yet to come... *giggles* life is FULL of surprises!!! heheheeh.... well, taking it one step at a time... and leaving everything to the Big Guy up there... He knows what's best... and I'm sure I'm getting nothing but the VERY BEST!!
Ok... Now, for the next of the many baby steps to reaching the peak.... I gotta go study or smth. Adios.....=)

What is it that one sees in another?
Love is really blind…
Covers all the flaws and shortcomings…
Cos all that you see
Is what you want to see…
And what you don’t,
Well, it gets swept under the carpet called bliss…
When does one wake up?
How does one make another see
That when the veil is lifted
Is that what one would want to be with?
By then it would be too late
Even to say ‘I told you so’…
But that would be unnecessary…
Cos you won’t even give ear to what another has to say…
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…
Is it safe, then, to say…
What one sees in the other is what another sees of the one?
How one feels about the other is what another feels about the one…
The joy of seeing that curve etched on one’s face…
The exhilaration of one’s company…
The knowledge that one is near…
The longing to be connected forever and a day…
Why is it that one can be so blind to see?

How do I tell you that I love you?
How can I show you I really care the world about you?
To the ends of the earth and back I would traverse…
Yet you know not of it… or want it not.
It hurts to the core to have you so near yet feeling so far away
Knowing soon it will no longer be so…
Wishing to make the most of what’s left…
Yet you seem to have wandered off into another place…
One where I do not exist, at least not directly…

Maybe I am jealous…
Maybe I am selfish…
Maybe all I want is you to myself…
I know that is not possible…
But I just cant seem to let you go…
All that I have known in you has all been revoked…
Sometimes I feel I know you not any longer…
My friend of old has moved on…
Leaving me behind to tend to myself…
Oh what a ferocious world it is out there…
With no firm shoulder to cling on for support nor any hand to hold in the darkest alleys…
Where have you gone?
How do I get you back again?
Wine is best matured and aged…
Why did it all have to happen?
I never understood why I was so complying…
Why didn’t I stand up and fight for it?
Why didn’t I say anything about not going through with it?
Dreams will remain dreams…
Castles in the sky…
Bubbles waiting to be burst

Anyway,
I just want you to know
I’d do it all over again if I had to…
Lay down my life for you…
Cross the oceans and seas for you…
Climb the highest mountains for you…
Anything you want me to…
*sigh*

How do you do it?
Put a smile on my face when I’m blue
Make my heart skip a beat when I feel like in a coma
Hypertension, tachycardia when you’re around…
Dyspnea, hypoxic when you’re not.
I’d go through a myocardial infarction if you went away…
Hydrothorax myself from all the tears…
But it’d be all worth it…
If I could just be with you.
The way I feel when I see you smile…
Even if only for a while…
I just want me to be the cause of it…
Cos it hurts too bad if it ain’t.
Sully appears when you treat others nicer…
I turn greener than the hulk himself.
A lot of times I wish I didn’t…
Maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad then…
But it’s the way you make me feel…
I have absolutely no powers over them
Tell me, baby, what can I do…
Cos sitting in the dark with you on my mind
Ain’t getting the job done.
You make me soar on wings I never knew I had…
Feel like I’m on top of the world with the sun on my back…
See the beauty in every little thing that comes my way…
You’re the reason I wake up everyday with a skip in my step…
I dread being apart from you…
I wish we were joined at the hip…
Forever and a day is not enough to get to know you…
There’s so much I don’t know where to start…
What a shame that I no longer have the opportunity…
I missed out on that chance.
All I ask is that she treat you the same way I would…
Cos you deserve nothing less…
I want only the best for you…
Because no matter what I say or do
The fact is…
I still love you.
As much as I want to deny it…
Every fibre of my being screams out with passion and desire…
I can’t change the way I’m wired…
I wish life wouldn’t be so cruel…
To give me you and then take you away…
If ever I was given a second chance,
I wouldn’t let you go ever again.
You mean too much to me…
You make me feel whole and complete.
Maybe I’m not the perfect person for you…
Maybe I’m taking the place of another…
But, oh, how I wish I was…
Because I can’t live another day without you…
Maybe I can… but I don’t ever want to…
I don’t want to find out what it would be like to not have you..
To not have your arms around me…
To not smell the scent of your perfume…
Or the warmth of your skin…
If only you knew…
Would it make any difference?
Would it change anything?
I wish it would…
Cos you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Why do I feel so deeply for you when you don’t even care…
I don’t want to feel this way yet I can’t stop myself.
When you’re not around I wish you were here…
Yet when you are near, it feels like you’re a million miles away.
Sometimes I see a spark in your eye
Sometimes it’s a glimmer…
Yet I’ll never know if it was because of me
Or someone else…
It hurts so much I’m getting immune to it
Yet over and over again the pain I still can’t fully bear.
When will I get over this?
When will it come to an end?
For you everything seems to be so much better…
I’m happy you feel that way.
I know how that feeling feels like…
I once had a chance to feel it too…
When everything faded into oblivion…
And the only thing that mattered was to live a day at a time…
Soaking in the most of whatever life had to offer.
Now, the only thing that keeps me sane
Is living life one step at a time
So as not to put too much hope or expectation in anything or anyone
Lest it be crushed into a million pieces like before…
Burst of the bubble into thin air…
Why can’t we talk like normal?
Why can’t I seem to say what I want to say when I’m with you?
Why do I eat my words up and jumble all my sentences it comes out as a mumble?
I want to be myself again…
I want to love and be loved in return…
I want to see the sun rise and think how blessed am I to be alive
And then turn over and look into your smiling face…
And have a blanket of warmth come over me
The knowledge that it feels awesome to be alive
And to be able to share this moment with you.
So where are you, then?
How can I find you?
What do you look like?
What are your interests?
Come quick… I’m waiting…
I have been waiting ever since the day I knew I had you…
I will still wait til the day you appear in front of me…
Till the day I meet you…
Till then, do take care.

2:38am 825a Hostel4

Why did you pack up and go?
Although you’re far away I still can’t let you go…
Lost in entanglement, without your presence
Sad at the fact I am helpless in making you feel better…
Maybe it is best to leave you alone for a bit…
Maybe I need to learn to not hold on so tight
But is it my fault that I love you too much to care?
After all, I want nothing more than to see you happy…
Even if it means to make me cry.
If only I could show you how much you mean to me…
If the words I say could melt all the snow and bring flowers to bloom
I would cross the oceans,
Climb the highest mountains,
Cross the Sahara desert…
Just to make sure you feel wanted, needed, loved…
Assured that when you lay your head to sleep at night…
Someone really cared, still cares and will always care for you.

2:42am, 825a Hostel4
Take a look at my world through my eyes…
What can you see?
Do you see what I see?
Can you feel what I feel?
The beauty that lies deep within you…
The love I feel for you…
The pain that sears through me when you turn cold…
Where did I go wrong?
We were meant to be…
Everything was right…
Everything…except that which was in my mind.
No one ever warned about quick minds…
But lots have been said about not worrying.
Yet how is it that I care so much about one person?
How is it that every fibre of my being just wants to see that one person happy…
Why is it that my everything is evolving around this one person?
Every second of my waking moment is filled with you in my mind…
Every moment I’m wondering what occupies you…
Wondering if I, too, am in your mind…
Thinking of ways to cross our paths without making it obvious…
You make me ponder… you make me stare…
You send me half way across the world and back in my mind
Yet when I’m there in person, I disappear…
So come and take a look at my world through my eyes…
Tell me what you see…
Maybe it may give some enlightenment…
To shed some light on why I do the things I do…
Or say what I say…
Or think what I think…
Try my world for a day
And tell me what you think.

4:14am 825a Hostel 4