Interlinks...

one atop another...

the never ending sign on sides...

So far yet on wisps of clouds...

Who knew what something once upon a time could do...

What goes around comes around people said...

so what went around then?

To have it grilled out on flames...

scrutinized without seasoning...

yet to array the salt and pepper would mean disregard to the chef...

ending in tastelessness...

Would it be better to just leave it?

Bite the bullet or stand in the firing range?

Bilosucroseness...

can it be digested away?

i guess its part and parcel of the unbeaten track...

Sunshine through the rain...

Glimmery shining rays...

warm and comforting...

Hope of a new dawn...

alightin lighter spirits...

To soar again on wings of eagles...

Taking flight in majesty...

When that moment arives...

There comes a day when one feels extremely thankful...

The day that makes one ponder in wonder...

The very day that the world seems to swirl in crayon color...

That one day that makes every other day worth the while...

That day....

When it comes...

Don't ever let it go.

There are many days when one is bought down to the very core of pondering....

Thinking about a million and one things...

High and low, Vast and wide...

Yet what can transcend the beauty of being brought back to the reminder of how great Thou art...

Time and time again, we take matters into our own hands...

Expecting things with a targetable achievement...

But how far can one really see with one's eyes?

Relying on Him to make things happen...

Looking to Him for strength...

Those were once my virtues...

Now I look them scarce in the eye...

Where have I detoured?

How did I leave that untrodden track?

More than anything else, I want what You want...

To do what You want me to do...

Deep down inside, I know its welling within...

Yet, human nature seems to be taking over that which was supposed to be surrendered to You...

Show me how...

Teach me, guide me...

For I know not which path is best...

Search me... Try me...

Know my thoughts...

Let me be of use to You...

Your Instrument.

To be able to hold u close...

To close my eyes and feel u near...

To be near you and just get lost in your arms....

*exhales...*

TOTALLY

ADDICTED

TO

YOU.....

Curiosity.

Curiosity killed the cat...

Curiosity burned the hand...

Curiosity scalded the finger...

Thus, making a rational deduction, Curiosity was never meant to end up with smth good. Curiosity was to end with a grave reminder that whatever it was that aroused that particular feeling was not smth that one wud wanna have. Well, out of THIS particular Curiosity came smth dat was fairly borderline.

Addiction.

Addiction to alcohol...

Addiction to smoking...

Addiction to drugs...

Addiction seems to not be in the list of smth good. Maybe it was never meant to be good… one cant have TOO MUCH of smth… nor TOO LITTLE… but an addiction is to be dependent on smth… to be controlled by it… not able to live without it…

But then, how come from the midst of smth that was meant to be bad… come smth so beautiful… irreplaceable… something worth more than the value of the whole world put together… how did THAT come about?

Never have I understood how things happened the way it did. Never in a zillion years would I have ever imagined ANYTHING close to this very moment in time… yet NEVER would I want to trade it for ANYTHING in this world.

Ubiquisity… that’s what you have been to me…

In everything I do…

In everything I see…

In everything I touch and smell…

Whatever it started off as…

Whatever it was meant to be…

Whatever it was supposed to turn out…

Whatever it is…

I’m thankful for it…

For every moment to see that smile…

For every second to hear that voice…

For every occasion to discern that tender loving care…

For every chance to find something to improve on…

Something to work on…

Something to laugh about…

Something to remember down the road…

Something that makes that silver lining behind the dark grey clouds of fear and doubt…

Something that makes things never the same as they were before…

Something that emulates forth a better me…

A better you…

A better us.

Curiosity.

Curiosity killed the cat...

Curiosity burned the hand...

Curiosity scalded the finger...

Thus, making a rational deduction, Curiosity was never meant to end up with smth good. Curiosity was to end with a grave reminder that whatever it was that aroused that particular feeling was not smth that one wud wanna have. Well, out of THIS particular Curiosity came smth dat was fairly borderline.

Addiction.

Addiction to alcohol...

Addiction to smoking...

Addiction to drugs...

Addiction

What are you thinking about?

Of all days to pull a surprise, as if rushing against the falling sands of time... yet, all in perfect harmonic timing... what else can I say about it? =)

A big plastic wrapped flora and a rectangular contraption filled with 'HUGS' and 'KISSES'... enclosing within its cavity, a smaller contraption filled with more sentiments than anything else I can ever think of... *thank you*

Didn't ask for anything... didn't want anything more than the mere presence... nothing more than a nice warm hug and a long cuddle with a midnight stroll along the beach... never imagined that the products of the braincells in my head would be surpassed by another... one that goes to far greater and higher heights that mine would... its great, cos that will push me to go even further... even higher... even greater than ever before... treading on areas never ventured before. =)

A thousand words cannot express...

Cannot comprehend...

Fail beyond all measures to quantify...

Every single little detailed bit of what I would like to say...

Of what dwells within...

The very silent whisper of every single fibre...

Collectively bringing together all efforts to articulate in a hundred and one ways...

All in all, just to try and express the gratitude..

the appreciation..

the feelings that well up inside...

*h8v8 'noh 3^07 1*

Tell me again the story...

Right from the very beginning...

Of how it all began...

What made you decide so...

What caught your attention...

How did it make you feel...

How did you react...

I love to hear it over and over again...

Can't seem to get bored of it...

Makes me think...

Makes me wonder...

Makes me ponder in deep thought...

Every second seems like an eternity when you're not around...

Yet eternity seems to flash by in a split second when you are...

You make the snow fall in summer...

and flowers bloom in winter...

When I'm with you everything else fades into the shadows...

When you're not around nothing seems to fit...

Have you ever felt this way before?

The way the thought plays through your head...That when you lie down at night to sleep flashbacks from the very first day start to replay like a movie... and you drift off into a dream so surreal you wish you didn't have to wake up... but when you do, you find that it could come true... that nothing is impossible... that someday, just maybe it might come to pass.

Thanks for everything you've ever done...

From the very least to the greatest of them all...

How can I ever phantom the depth of it all...

To call myself blessed is an understatement...

It feels SO MUCH more than that...

And so...

All I can do for now...

Is to be just me...

and thank God every single day for this wonderful blessing...

For this opportunity to sow into another's life the same way that was sown into mine...

For now, these words would have to suffice....

Thank You.

Its been 2 mths.... 61 days... hasn't been all smooth-sailing and easy.. but we've made it so far... bit by bit... every moment a gift in itself.. every second invaluable... everyday a new beginning for opportunities to create something more beautiful than the day before... another day to appreciate the very essence of living... the very gift of life... one baby step at a time... cos it's not the final destination that matters... but the journey of which it was reached.

For every little step,

I thank God for you.

What happened today was something so out of the blue. No one saw it coming, no one thought it through. But then its one of those things that ones have to go through... and to come out the other end stronger, more victorious than before. Its those things that you kinda blame technology for destroying.

for everything...

baby, I'm sorry.

For everything else...

I'm sure we can find some time to talk it through

Hurgzzz...

A new year has dawned...

A whole new beginning...

One to share...

One to learn...

One to create...

Together we venture into the unknown...

Who knows where we'll end up...

But that's just a small matter...

What's more important is the journey...

So...

All I want for 2010 is...

To strive for the very best from us...

To make more memories...

To live for the moment as it comes...

To cherish every second we have...

To be self-less and more thoughtful...

To love and let love...

to infinity and beyond!!!

I'm at a lost of words to say...

Its been such a great ride I so wanna stay...

You make me happy...

you drive me wild...

You make me feel like a child.

I am myself when I'm around you...

Forget the world when you look into my eyes...

You make me see the silver lining behind every dark cloud

Even before the rain starts to pour...

The courage to stand a lil taller...

Strength to fight a lil harder...

Love to conquer any boulder...

Hope to see through the rest of the future...

the grass isnt only greener...

it can change to ANY color you want it to be...

Endless possibilities...

Nothing is impossible unless untried.

For all the things done and words said...

You have changed my world 180...

turning it all around, not even leaving a stone untouched.

How did it ever get this far?

I haven't the slightest idea.

All I can say is that...

It is all part of the Master's plan.

*31, Stutong Avenue*

10:32 pm

When we were just acquaintances, without any cares in the world...

How do I tell you all these without using words?

I've always said that its the company that makes ALL the difference. And I'v proven it YET again.... =)

Its been a Month, yesterday, since that Saturday night car-ride half way across the world and back... with a lil heart to heart talk... lol...

The evening was spent having McD's for dinner... chill-out... and a movie to top it all up. Sounds too simple?? I couldn't ask for more. It was such an enjoyable evening. =) *thanks baby...*

As for the month that has passed.... well... all i can say is that I have been educated... with a broadened view on life... still learning new things everyday... and I guess I too, have taught a lil bit here and there. It never ceases to amaze me that all my pre-conceived ideas in the past is being changed bit by bit... all the things I thought were impossible... is being shown to me that it IS possible... that there ARE such exceptions... such situations.. such people.

The moments created are too priceless to tag a figure.... I won't want to trade it for anything. Still looking up to the One up above for the Master plan... wondering where this all fits in.

for now... I'll just be contented... and let Him take over. =)

One day, just one day.... that was all it took to change whatever pre-conceived ideas that I previously had. Maybe there is still hope after all. Maybe life isn't so bad after all. =)

It all seems too perfect to be true. But then again, I shall not look for something that I don't really want to find. I'm happy right where I am. Maybe, yea, sometime in the near future, there will be some hiccups and bumps that

CHASING CARS (IF I LAY HERE)

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

*yea... I would...*

I don’t know but I think I maybe

Fallin’ for you, dropping so quickly

Maybe I should keep this to myself

Waiting ’til I know you better

I am trying not to tell you

But I want to

I’m scared of what you’ll say

So I’m hiding what I’m feeling

But I’m tired of

Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time

Just thinking about ya

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’ve been waiting all my life

And now I found ya

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’m fallin’ for you

As I’m standing here and you hold my hand

Pull me towards you and we start to dance

All around us, I see nobody

Here in silence, it’s just you and me

I’m trying not to tell you

But I want to

I’m scared of what you’ll say

So I’m hiding what I’m feeling

But I’m tired of

Holding this inside my head

*could it be so?

maybe you already know...

maybe not...*

It came out as a question... and as usual.. it was something I though of for a long long time already. To say i was anticipating it isnt really true.. to assume it also is not the case. But the similarity of thinking patterns really caught me by surprise. How was it possible that there was another that had the same mental wavelength as I did?

Walking around the store-like

There's something in the air but she can't seem to put her finger on what. The pain on her foot still prevents her from taking up the speed she's used to...despite all the amount rubbing and grinding from her stubby digits. The night was taken up by a planned encounter with a friend of a friend.. who happens to be a really close friend. Now, how would you feel about calling it a day after a lazy day at work, an evening nap... dinner.. a cake bubbling in the oven... and a cup of hot mochaccino just before turning into bed? lol... I'd call it a day well spent in my dictionary.

Speaking about that lazy job of hers... who wouldn't want to trade places with me for where I am right now? Albeit the long delay at the end of the day in completion of the whole period, I SO wouldn't wanna give up the place I am in right now for ANYTHING!! Talk about being in my comfort zone... I am almost SO well protected I couldn't build a better hedge around myself if i wanted to!

Then there's the other side of the human population. How would one know if it is what it is meant to be or not? Is there a guideline or a manual that I can read to find out? I mean... its great he makes me laugh.. he makes me cringe in happy anger... So far its almost all I could ever ask for... as if my mind was an open book and ever part of it well read and memorized. But then, could it be too good to be true? He's the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning... and yet it has just been.. what... just over a week? How is it possible that one can do two totally different things to an almost similar situation? Would that make one a hypocrite? Or is it a choice of mother nature... written in the winds and the stars... and the sand and the seas?

Life is made up of little choice. What you decide for yourself today would take effect even many many years into the future. It is not something one can ever erase... for it then, is carved into stone as the ticking minute passes.

I want to live my life to its fullest. That much I know.

It feels like over the rainbow...

Under the ocean...

The same feeling of walking under the rain

What will it be??? will it end up that way too??? How do I convey the message... how do I let you know???

What I love about being back?
The feel of the wheel beneath my fingers..
The slide of the leather after a corner...
The thrill of speed at my fingertips...
Ohh... the feeling of driving again...
It is just so exciting!! So free...

The past few days has been really taking its toll on me. My heart feels so heavy... I know why... but I can't do anything about it. It's way out of my powers. Maybe others also know about it... but then refuse to do anything about it. I guess that's the way it's going to be from now on. But why does it have to be so? My sleep has been cut short ever since February rolled in... and no more am I enjoying the comforts of life. Now that graduation has come and gone, there is a whole new road ahead of me. But at the moment, I don't really want to take it yet, for one reason or another. Yet it is inevitable. Life must go on... I want to move on... to be better... to achieve higher... to grow stronger... Yet right at this point in time, I can't seem to get a hold of myself. The one lifejacket that was buoying me afloat is making me sink and drown. Other lifejackets are too far out or reach... but i guess it was my fault too. My own mindsets. Owh gosh... if only I could go back in time... isn't that the wish of a lot of people? God knew better than to let men have that ability. I guess its just that we have to move on with the changing tides... the shore is never the same twice.
But.. owh... if only anyone could see the hurt and pain in here... I guess it doesn't have to be many. But I can't be so selfish can I? Who am I to demand that of others? I gotta get out of this... Lord, help me get out of this selfish rut!! I need help and I'm not ashamed to say it. I need YOUR help cos I can't do it on my own. Everything seems to be bleak and grey... I am in a total mess... I feel like crap and seem to be depressing everything around me instead of shining for You. I know there is much better things that these to come. You always have a way of making the greatest things out of rejects and failures. So here's a reject and a failure... may she be something great in Your hands... cos she knows she can't do anything on her own.
Lift her spirits up and grant her the ability to smile from her heart... to shine for You!!! *AmeN*

Have you ever had that feeling of foreboding... or one of deja-vu... where-by someone describes smth and you can identify immediately with that person cos you've been there before? I had that again... and so memories of old came flooding back... and here i am... left with myself to brood it over... the songs that lullaby me to sleep... the thought of what it was like when everything was going my way... but it also brought back reminders of how dumb i was to throw it all away... indecisiveness... lack of character... and so... now i'm left with basically just me, myself and I. *sigh*
onto better thoughts... Finished 2 'papers' out of 9 from my Final State Attestation Exams... "Gos" they call it here... short of "Gosudarstvenie" which is Russian for State. MCQs over... Therapy practical skills over... tomorrow is O&G practical skills... then Surgery practical skills on Thursday... then Tasks on Saturday.... then its d written papers de!! then... its OVER!! YAY!!!
I am stoked... can't wait for the family to get over here... to see where i have lived for the past 6 years... and where i spend m y time... how i live the harshest of winters.. hahahaha....
Then, i cant wait to go back and go on shoppin spree after shoppin spree with my best friend... and also help her prepare for her wedding which is in June... I'm so honored to be appointed 'Maid of Honor' for her big day... and I wanna just take a moment to congratulate her... wish her all the best in life... and all.. *shall not say everything... save some for the speech on that night... hehehehe lol...*
Anyway, I'm happy for her... I'm excited too... and I can't wait for my turn to come... so many things that are yet to come... *giggles* life is FULL of surprises!!! heheheeh.... well, taking it one step at a time... and leaving everything to the Big Guy up there... He knows what's best... and I'm sure I'm getting nothing but the VERY BEST!!
Ok... Now, for the next of the many baby steps to reaching the peak.... I gotta go study or smth. Adios.....=)

What is it that one sees in another?
Love is really blind…
Covers all the flaws and shortcomings…
Cos all that you see
Is what you want to see…
And what you don’t,
Well, it gets swept under the carpet called bliss…
When does one wake up?
How does one make another see
That when the veil is lifted
Is that what one would want to be with?
By then it would be too late
Even to say ‘I told you so’…
But that would be unnecessary…
Cos you won’t even give ear to what another has to say…
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…
Is it safe, then, to say…
What one sees in the other is what another sees of the one?
How one feels about the other is what another feels about the one…
The joy of seeing that curve etched on one’s face…
The exhilaration of one’s company…
The knowledge that one is near…
The longing to be connected forever and a day…
Why is it that one can be so blind to see?

How do I tell you that I love you?
How can I show you I really care the world about you?
To the ends of the earth and back I would traverse…
Yet you know not of it… or want it not.
It hurts to the core to have you so near yet feeling so far away
Knowing soon it will no longer be so…
Wishing to make the most of what’s left…
Yet you seem to have wandered off into another place…
One where I do not exist, at least not directly…

Maybe I am jealous…
Maybe I am selfish…
Maybe all I want is you to myself…
I know that is not possible…
But I just cant seem to let you go…
All that I have known in you has all been revoked…
Sometimes I feel I know you not any longer…
My friend of old has moved on…
Leaving me behind to tend to myself…
Oh what a ferocious world it is out there…
With no firm shoulder to cling on for support nor any hand to hold in the darkest alleys…
Where have you gone?
How do I get you back again?
Wine is best matured and aged…
Why did it all have to happen?
I never understood why I was so complying…
Why didn’t I stand up and fight for it?
Why didn’t I say anything about not going through with it?
Dreams will remain dreams…
Castles in the sky…
Bubbles waiting to be burst

Anyway,
I just want you to know
I’d do it all over again if I had to…
Lay down my life for you…
Cross the oceans and seas for you…
Climb the highest mountains for you…
Anything you want me to…
*sigh*

How do you do it?
Put a smile on my face when I’m blue
Make my heart skip a beat when I feel like in a coma
Hypertension, tachycardia when you’re around…
Dyspnea, hypoxic when you’re not.
I’d go through a myocardial infarction if you went away…
Hydrothorax myself from all the tears…
But it’d be all worth it…
If I could just be with you.
The way I feel when I see you smile…
Even if only for a while…
I just want me to be the cause of it…
Cos it hurts too bad if it ain’t.
Sully appears when you treat others nicer…
I turn greener than the hulk himself.
A lot of times I wish I didn’t…
Maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad then…
But it’s the way you make me feel…
I have absolutely no powers over them
Tell me, baby, what can I do…
Cos sitting in the dark with you on my mind
Ain’t getting the job done.
You make me soar on wings I never knew I had…
Feel like I’m on top of the world with the sun on my back…
See the beauty in every little thing that comes my way…
You’re the reason I wake up everyday with a skip in my step…
I dread being apart from you…
I wish we were joined at the hip…
Forever and a day is not enough to get to know you…
There’s so much I don’t know where to start…
What a shame that I no longer have the opportunity…
I missed out on that chance.
All I ask is that she treat you the same way I would…
Cos you deserve nothing less…
I want only the best for you…
Because no matter what I say or do
The fact is…
I still love you.
As much as I want to deny it…
Every fibre of my being screams out with passion and desire…
I can’t change the way I’m wired…
I wish life wouldn’t be so cruel…
To give me you and then take you away…
If ever I was given a second chance,
I wouldn’t let you go ever again.
You mean too much to me…
You make me feel whole and complete.
Maybe I’m not the perfect person for you…
Maybe I’m taking the place of another…
But, oh, how I wish I was…
Because I can’t live another day without you…
Maybe I can… but I don’t ever want to…
I don’t want to find out what it would be like to not have you..
To not have your arms around me…
To not smell the scent of your perfume…
Or the warmth of your skin…
If only you knew…
Would it make any difference?
Would it change anything?
I wish it would…
Cos you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Why do I feel so deeply for you when you don’t even care…
I don’t want to feel this way yet I can’t stop myself.
When you’re not around I wish you were here…
Yet when you are near, it feels like you’re a million miles away.
Sometimes I see a spark in your eye
Sometimes it’s a glimmer…
Yet I’ll never know if it was because of me
Or someone else…
It hurts so much I’m getting immune to it
Yet over and over again the pain I still can’t fully bear.
When will I get over this?
When will it come to an end?
For you everything seems to be so much better…
I’m happy you feel that way.
I know how that feeling feels like…
I once had a chance to feel it too…
When everything faded into oblivion…
And the only thing that mattered was to live a day at a time…
Soaking in the most of whatever life had to offer.
Now, the only thing that keeps me sane
Is living life one step at a time
So as not to put too much hope or expectation in anything or anyone
Lest it be crushed into a million pieces like before…
Burst of the bubble into thin air…
Why can’t we talk like normal?
Why can’t I seem to say what I want to say when I’m with you?
Why do I eat my words up and jumble all my sentences it comes out as a mumble?
I want to be myself again…
I want to love and be loved in return…
I want to see the sun rise and think how blessed am I to be alive
And then turn over and look into your smiling face…
And have a blanket of warmth come over me
The knowledge that it feels awesome to be alive
And to be able to share this moment with you.
So where are you, then?
How can I find you?
What do you look like?
What are your interests?
Come quick… I’m waiting…
I have been waiting ever since the day I knew I had you…
I will still wait til the day you appear in front of me…
Till the day I meet you…
Till then, do take care.

2:38am 825a Hostel4

Why did you pack up and go?
Although you’re far away I still can’t let you go…
Lost in entanglement, without your presence
Sad at the fact I am helpless in making you feel better…
Maybe it is best to leave you alone for a bit…
Maybe I need to learn to not hold on so tight
But is it my fault that I love you too much to care?
After all, I want nothing more than to see you happy…
Even if it means to make me cry.
If only I could show you how much you mean to me…
If the words I say could melt all the snow and bring flowers to bloom
I would cross the oceans,
Climb the highest mountains,
Cross the Sahara desert…
Just to make sure you feel wanted, needed, loved…
Assured that when you lay your head to sleep at night…
Someone really cared, still cares and will always care for you.

2:42am, 825a Hostel4
Take a look at my world through my eyes…
What can you see?
Do you see what I see?
Can you feel what I feel?
The beauty that lies deep within you…
The love I feel for you…
The pain that sears through me when you turn cold…
Where did I go wrong?
We were meant to be…
Everything was right…
Everything…except that which was in my mind.
No one ever warned about quick minds…
But lots have been said about not worrying.
Yet how is it that I care so much about one person?
How is it that every fibre of my being just wants to see that one person happy…
Why is it that my everything is evolving around this one person?
Every second of my waking moment is filled with you in my mind…
Every moment I’m wondering what occupies you…
Wondering if I, too, am in your mind…
Thinking of ways to cross our paths without making it obvious…
You make me ponder… you make me stare…
You send me half way across the world and back in my mind
Yet when I’m there in person, I disappear…
So come and take a look at my world through my eyes…
Tell me what you see…
Maybe it may give some enlightenment…
To shed some light on why I do the things I do…
Or say what I say…
Or think what I think…
Try my world for a day
And tell me what you think.

4:14am 825a Hostel 4

Deja vu in another body....

All the things I see happen has happened before...

maybe the players are different...

But the gameplay is the same...

I know the strategies behind it...

I see the loopholes...

But the final outcome is still uncertain.

So what am I saying?

Nothing passes me by unnoticed...

As much as it doesn't mean much to anyone...

Yet because I know....

That makes all the difference.

No matter what I do to remove that knowledge...

It is there, inputed into the memories of time...

Would I want to remove it if it was an option?

Sometimes I wished I never knew...

Sometimes I wished I was not me...

Sometimes all I wanted is for it all to rewind again...

But regret is a potent poison...

Not to be allowed to dwell...

For now, to take it one step at a time...

Living in the 'Today' rather than 'Yesteryears'...

Nor in the 'Tomorrows' that are neverending...

To hold my head up high, chest out, shoulders straight...

And with all the love that can be mustered out...

To try the very best to make the most of what there is...

Today is all there is...

There was a zillion things I should've done differently...

A million words I should've said...

But it all is not important anymore...

There is two sides to every coin...

The choise to be the head or the tail is in our hands.

Maybe then living life will make all the difference...

I think its safe to say "I know..."

Cos nothing tells it more than what one calls.....

EXPERIENCE.

Went for youth today... it was great to see all the lil ones all so spirited. There was once a time I was there too. Dunno if I wanna stay in that time again... young and carefree... or be where I am right now... well, life aint that carefree... but I guess I do enjoy the me now too... of all the things I have been though the past year itself is more than enough to fill a book!
The grace to sustain through it all was just amazing. =)

Growin Up...

I've been back for less than a week already... and my days have so far been pretty full. Its nice to have something to do.. or someone to talk to especially when all your friends are all away. Thank God Lis & Lin are here... Lis every year without fail has been accompanyin me especially on Mondays... "LaLa's day".. lol... and lately, Lin has been around to join us... and also with the honor of having Ray in company too. Once in a while, we wud haf d high pleasure of havin the presence of Gab... hmm.. the only missing link is gNet... and if favourable, Kian too! ahh... dat would be D-Day!! lol...
But people grow up... things change... and all around, people are talking of settling down. Hmm...how does one choose? How does one know if it is THE right one? What are the signs? Sooner or later, its just inevitable. I've heard about people ready to tie the knot, yet just weeks before, call it off and thats it. Some are so close to even a few days before... and then months later, news is that the person found another which eventually became THE ONE... scary... to think that ANYTHING can happen...
On a lighter note... hmm... after all the movies we're been shown.. and the different ways of being proposed to... it does make one wonder (and in the process spoiling what could be a gud surprise) about the different ways that one can possibly be proposed with... lol... and the danger of it is that one's imagination is so great that when the real one happens.. it's probably short of what the imagination could do. LOL...
anyway, save it for another day....

Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl? Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.

First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.

I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.

Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in way. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.

It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.

BITTER SWEET

Life is just the way it is....

Things happen,

Things come and go...

And you never really know...

There was a time it felt right...

Then tables turned...

Winds changed...

Course shifted...

Now lost in the midst of uncertainty...

Patience...

Only time will tell.

*sigh*

She heard the winds hollow today...

For a moment, time froze in midair.

The same wind brought refreshing air

Yet also a tinge of destruction...

She smiled silly over the thought...

That nonsense could make perfect sense:

Some may hear but they may not understand...

And look but do not see...

Hopes hanging by the thread...

Looking to the sun she saw its rays...

Yes, there's Hope...

If there's Faith...

And of course, Love.

*For ALL things work for the good of those who LOVE Him... ;)*

Been raining lately... and its that time of the year again where people sit at their desks diligently peering into an open book... irregardless of whether anything is goin in or not... yeah.. exam period is back again... and this time, there is also that BIG paper that will determine the placement of the "M.D." at the end of people's names. Sounds like it will be a long long month... but time does fly by really fast... so.. just wanna wish y'all sitting for the GOS exams...

All the Best...

Favor goes before you...

You have the mind of Christ... =)

Last weekend, we had a graduation party for the graduates.... pretty awesome to see everyone dressed up... looking stunning and all...

I detest to think about that time when we have to leave to go back for summer holidays knowing somewhere behind there that when we return back in September, the face of this place will change with the absence of certain people that make life here the way it is right now... it will feel like loosing a limb... or smth liddat.. *sigh* (so not looking forward to that...)

Although its not like I wont be seeing them ever again... but the fact that its miles and miles apart... that there is definitely 0% probability to meet in the hospitals or on the bus.. or in the streets... *eeeeee...*

But that is the way life goes... unevitable... and soon it will be my turn to leave this place... to leave my comfort zone into a world of unknowns... a world which i have been trying to push out of my mind for a long time... a world where I have to bear responsibilities like an adult..... a world where i AM an adult.... *hmmm*

Hold me,

Never let me go...

Change me,

I want the world to know...

You are

Living in me

God, I know

You'll never let me go...

God's Letter to Women...

When I created the heaven and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man, because your nostrils are too delicate.

I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him,as you are meant to do.

Around this one bone, I shaped you....... I modeled you.I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the centre of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body.

You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.You are my perfect angel..... You are my beautiful little girl.

You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.Your eyes... don't change them. Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form. Your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I've held your heart close to mine.

Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me. Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you; my Holiness, my Strength, myPurity, my Love, my Protection and Support.

You are special because you are an extension of me. Man represents my image, woman my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.

So man...... treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart; the heart of your Father, and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness, show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

Did you not know that a WOMAN is special in God's eyes?

*untitled*

The rustling of breath, the tingle up the spine…
The feeling of warmth which can’t be defined…
One second more and it would be crushing…
Yet a moment less would be terribly denying…
No words to describe it; they couldn’t do it justice.
Thoughts bounced off the walls of the mind
Though nothing made sense.
Dull yet exhilarating …
Terrified yet audacious …
Subtle yet evident ...
Agreeing yet denying…
Silent yet deafening …
Still yet full of motion…
Thrilled yet perturbed…
Lingering yet withdrawing…
Then the spell broke.
Times up.
The moment passed.
The world continued to spin on axis.
Life continues…
That’s just the way it is.

Confidence Despite Weaknesses

Hmm.. last night’s cell, we spoke about confidence and insecurities. J shared using Gideon as an example… (called him the ‘chicken’.. lol… *mind whirled into motion*) =P
Then we shared about what made people look confident to us… some said it was the way they walked, others said it was how loud they spoke. Some even said that the strengths that they portrayed was just a cover-up of their weakness underneath.
After all that discussion and sharing, we spoke about ways we could increase confidence or avoid the lack there-of. So, being the nice person I am, I’ll share what we shared with you… hehehehe…
1. THINK POSITIVE
You gotta know who you are… being sure of yourself is important to a strong foundation of what you think you are capable of
2. TALK TO SOMEONE
Not just anyone… someone who is capable of giving good advice.. Godly advice… someone that you can be accountable to is even better. Sharing is caring… and problems and weaknesses are no exception!! =)
3. THINK OF 10 GOOD THINGS EVERYTIME YOU THINK OF 1 BAD THING
This would train you to look more on the positive side… looking for the best in others… well, that’s what love is all about anyway… right? =P It’s so easy to look at others’ inability we tend to ignore their capabilities and the fact of how blessed we are to have them around. After awhile, we realize that trying to think of 10 good things about people we dislike is kinda tiring that we kinda avoid thinking about the bad altogether and strive to find that speck of good.
4. AVOID COMPARISON
Comparisons just brings condemnation… either upon oneself or another. When we compare, only 1 of 2 things can happen. Either we see others better than us and thus feel incompetent…or we see ourselves better than the other… thus making us feel proud. And as they say, pride comes before a fall. Either way, the outcome is pretty much looking down.We are all different… unique…special. As some say, its pretty much equivalent to comparing a boat and a pencil. To say that one is better than the other is pretty much insane… not to say its probably a characteristic of a “psy” patient!!
Besides that, to compare is to decrease personal standards. Instead of striving towards the best, comparing justifies at just being better than another. It isn’t necessarily the best you can be… and that is definitely below the average that God has for us!!! The example we had was that we may compare our results from an exam and be glad that we got a pass while the rest failed. But a pass is just a pass. It isn’t what we should strive for. It is the distinction mark that we should be looking towards.
5. FOCUS ON POTENTIALS; NOT LIMITATIONS
We were given the grace to accomplish that which we were made to do. Not more, not less. Striving to what God has for us is to achieve that which we are made to be. To look at limitations is to say that God is insane to think so highly of us and that it is impossible!
6. REMEMBER : Confidence is not covering up a weakness but rather, the assurance of that which is really you… not letting anyone shake you off… and not falter from the words of others.

Well, these are just the few points that we thought of in the short time that we had. If anyone has anything to add, feel free to contribute…=P

CNY Concert

Was a blast of a time last night... I had fun... enjoyed myself... enjoyed the excitement and exhiliaration... the adrenaline rush... the look into your eyes... *sigh*

Now that its over... life is back to what it was before... maybe a little bit more... with the memory of yesterday still running freshly through my mind.

Thanx for all the times sacrificed... the excitement of everyday... the everything!!

*sigh*

Didn't want it to be over yet don't think I could live with it forever either... one or the other.... life has taken its course....

*I'll cya around then....*

SPA Interview for Medical Officer

Talk about FAVOR!!!
I really owe this one BIG TIME to d big guy up there.... without His help, I dont think i would even hire myself!! Gosh...
Really feel under-prepared for this interview... it was in English (thank GOD!!)... and it was a good jerk to reality that its time to really buck up twice as hard and thrice as smart... or else.. its a harsh blow to the face of reality! But most of all, watching those that came out from my board with the long face or the grumpy expression... that totally didnt help boost any confidence i had left. But thanks to those that still kept my head up high even when I tried to hide it low... for the pat on the back and the hugs... and the shoulder to lean on... I am eternally grateful! Most of all, for the favor that always goes before me... the one that causes the panel to not be able to but just be nice to me... even after all that I have heard about my board, I think I can fully digress!! I totally love my panel... that they were really encauraging, making my interview a pleasantly enjoyable one although I barely could answer the tough Medical questions given. And to be told at the end that all I needed was just a little bit more confidence in myself... i couldn't agree more! Praise and glory to Him who sustains my very breath!!
After all said and done, I am totally thankful and grateful that I passed... why not...I'm a government servant grade UD41 when I graduate!!! hehehehe....
*thanks for being there... even though you would've been there anyway...you had to...=P*

Esok Interview SPA lerr...
Mereka kata Interview dalam BM.. Macam mana lah? walaupun BM saya dulu dapat A1.. tapi 7 tahun tak guna langsung...A1 pun boleh jadi E8 la.... haih.....Tapi mereka kata... jangan putus asa... Fikirkan Boleh!!! hahahah...
Maka, dengan itu, saya kenalah pergi hafal Rukun Negara, Lagu Kebangsaan... Senarai Menteri Menteri Kabinet and yang terutama, nama Yang Di-Pertuan Agung kita yang teramatlah panjang itu... walaupun kemungkinan ditanya amatlah tipis. hehehehe...
Lagilah dengan penyakit-penyakit berjangkit yang tidak terhingga... aihh.. letih lah mata saya... esok cepat cepat selesaikan dan pergi makan... biar habis tak payah lenggah. hehehe... Saya rasa lebih awal kan lebih baik. Lagi lama ditunda, lagi gempak pula rasanya.
Macam mana lah nak fikir perkataan-perkataan Medik yang.... Tuhan tolong lah saya!!!!!!

Watch your THOUGHTS,

They become Words.

Watch your WORDS,

They become Actions.

Watch your ACTIONS,

They become a Habit.

Watch your HABITS,

They make your CHARACTER!!

YOU ARE...

You are...

The love of my life,

You are...

The hope that I cling to,

You mean...

More than this world to me.

I wouldn't trade You...

For Silver or Gold,

I wouldn't trade You...

For treasures untold,

You are...

You are my everything!

Love Unconditionally...

That was what the theme of the sermon in service last night. Really reminded me again and again that this is what REAL love is all about. Not picking sides, irregardless of situations, emotions or strength... to love in ALL circumstances. It is not easy, I must admit. There are lots of times when we pick and choose who we want to love or when we want to love.
Although we are called to love everyone the same, there are just some people whom we love more than others... not that we are conditional... but just that we are investing into their lives. Never-the-less, we must still constantly check our motives lest we start getting conditional with these people because they are closer to us. Constantly making sure that we do not start to require more of the other person than before.

"O God, help me to love others as you love me... and BE love...even as You are love"

IF I KNEW
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say 'I love you,'
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say 'I love you,'
And certainly there's another chance
to say 'Anything I can do?'

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say 'I'm sorry',
'Please forgive me,' 'Thank you,' or 'It's okay.'
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today

I've learned....

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

Got this from an email..

I guess its really true. Can't run away from facts forever. Ignoring it is just procrastinating to have to deal with it. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to face that giant... or one day, I'll be able to pull myself together to make something out of it. But whatever the lame excuse that we give, facts will remain facts... unchangeable...

I guess the best thing to do is to take it right when you first had to deal with it. Take it by the collar and grab a hold of it. Face your fears and get some help rather than run away and hide in a small corner where u think no one can find you.

Just when you think that that is all that you can do, you'll find that there is so much more to yourself than what you really see. God made you special... there is only one YOU... and that is definitely a FACT!

Live life to the fullest...

time is precious..

you never know what you've got till its gone...=)

-Prague, Czech Republic-

10:31pm