The past few days has been really taking its toll on me. My heart feels so heavy... I know why... but I can't do anything about it. It's way out of my powers. Maybe others also know about it... but then refuse to do anything about it. I guess that's the way it's going to be from now on. But why does it have to be so? My sleep has been cut short ever since February rolled in... and no more am I enjoying the comforts of life. Now that graduation has come and gone, there is a whole new road ahead of me. But at the moment, I don't really want to take it yet, for one reason or another. Yet it is inevitable. Life must go on... I want to move on... to be better... to achieve higher... to grow stronger... Yet right at this point in time, I can't seem to get a hold of myself. The one lifejacket that was buoying me afloat is making me sink and drown. Other lifejackets are too far out or reach... but i guess it was my fault too. My own mindsets. Owh gosh... if only I could go back in time... isn't that the wish of a lot of people? God knew better than to let men have that ability. I guess its just that we have to move on with the changing tides... the shore is never the same twice.
But.. owh... if only anyone could see the hurt and pain in here... I guess it doesn't have to be many. But I can't be so selfish can I? Who am I to demand that of others? I gotta get out of this... Lord, help me get out of this selfish rut!! I need help and I'm not ashamed to say it. I need YOUR help cos I can't do it on my own. Everything seems to be bleak and grey... I am in a total mess... I feel like crap and seem to be depressing everything around me instead of shining for You. I know there is much better things that these to come. You always have a way of making the greatest things out of rejects and failures. So here's a reject and a failure... may she be something great in Your hands... cos she knows she can't do anything on her own.
Lift her spirits up and grant her the ability to smile from her heart... to shine for You!!! *AmeN*