Pondering back on my past life…
How ignorant was I… sheltered and covered and protected.
Never have I felt the pains of life, the hardship and the risk-takings…
That I took the things closest and dearest to me some-what for-granted…
I thought that Life would just roll along, smooth-sailing and risk-free…
Thought I had made the most of what I could be, that I didn’t take anything for-granted.
Oh how naïve and immature was my mind then!!!
Then Life shook me by the neck…
Waking me up from the blanket of ignorance and naivity…
He showed how much more to life there is to live…
That where I am is only but a fraction of what I am…
He taught me what it meant to love…
What it meant to live life…
What it is like to have risks and options laid out before your eyes…
He showed me how to stand by principles, not letting it go even in the face of adversity…
To stand tall and proud…
He also showed me what it is like to be disappointed…
What it is like to be hurt beyond despair…
How it feels to get desperate for something you’re passionate about…
He showed me the importance of trusting…
The value in actions, not only words…
But at that moment, I failed to see it clearly…
Failed to take note of the valuable lessons…
Failed to appreciate to the fullest extent what he has done…
I took for-granted time and seasons…
Even though I thought I had not.
It seemed like nothing got through.
Words repeated over and over again seemed like falling on deaf ears…
Lost beyond cause was this person, oblivious and delirious.
Hope gradually turned to Despair…
Despair closed the doors…
Walls were built, layer upon layer…
Higher and higher they grew…
But in the midst of all that,
A seed was planted… watered with time and deep-thinking…
Lots of patience and shakings…
Through the many tears and restless thoughts…
I started to see the bigger scene…
Oh, how disappointed was I in myself…
To see that I have not done anything at all…
That the past year, despite all that was given to me,
I have a lot more effort to pump in.

What have I done in the past years?
What have I achieved in myself?
Would I be able to go the distance in the continuity of the journey of life?
Have I prepared myself for the coming phases of that journey?
Can I actually stand up for what I believe in and live by it?

The past, dark and bleak…
Mistakes countless and unnumbered…
Each and everyone laid out and the consequences it brought…
Ashamed by how I have wasted my years away…
I sunk into the quicksand of hopelessness and sadness.
But to stay down from the despair would just allow defeat to take victory.
Now that I have known better, seen better, thought better,
I stand back on my feet with renewed vigour.
I will not repeat the same mistakes again.
Life is too short to not learn something from it.

Would I trust you still?
I have never lost trust in you, even when it seems like all hope is gone.
You gave me many occasions that would make another start to doubt…
But still, in all that, I have never let go of that trust.
Maybe it did start to falter a little.
But I got a hold of it and made a choice to still continue trusting.
I will weather the storm for it…
Withstand the gales…
Because you are worth every moment of it.