Running through the sea of faces, i looked high and low. Scared. Nothing seemed familiar. Despair. I searched all the usual places, only failing to see the familiar outline i always knew. Trepidation. Not wanting to be seen, in stealth I disguised my path. Yet it felt like i stood out like a thorn... an eyesore. Safety was the last thing on my mind. Then I thought again. Sigh. Not wanting to cause more hurt than I already had, especially if I was seen, I retreated my steps to the little vehicle that I came in. Regret. With deep sorrow, I drove off. I was sure I wasn't spotted. But I was disappointed I didnt have enough guts to finish my mission. What would befall me if I got caught? But I didnt want to generate more pain...I have caused enough of it to last a lifetime. Would I ever get to redeem myself?
Tiredness has caught up with me. I am not myself anymore. Dozing off on conversations that mean more than the world to me?? How did it come to that? To have a heart for others and in the process loose my own heart? How can that be? Slaving away day and night, to gain an art but in that process, loose all that I care about...? I detest myself... I detest what I have become... Would I change it given the power to turn back time?
You wish you hadnt met me, known me...? Words are powerful...a double edged sword. They contain authority. Once sent forth, doesnt return void. I wouldnt hurt you with my words...no matter how much edge it has...cos you mean much more to me than that. But do you see yourself that way?
Thunderstorms are overhead...pouring like the days of Noah. *sigh* Maybe I'll just let it rain first...Nothing I do seems to be going right...What is it that you see in me that I cant seem to see in myself?=S